


The Addictive Silence

by artistwriter



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artistwriter/pseuds/artistwriter
Summary: when emma swan admits herself into a rehabilitation centre for the sake of her family    (specifically her son) she wasn’t aware of what really lies behind the doors; or who she might meet.“Welcome to StoryBrooke Stability Centre or as the outsiders call it, the building for the insane.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! first work I’ve been thinking off for awhile! this touches on personal subjects areas and if you aren’t comfortable with the topics of addiction (alcoholism) please don’t read further. every character that has been written into this story holds some personal meaning to me whether it be because i too have experienced this with family etc. I hope you enjoy. Mature rating for the mature content to follow!

When Emma Swan thought of a long trip with her family she never thought what it would mean. That it would not mean a trip of smiles or a trip of laughter. But, a trip where she would soak in on the time left with her son and her parents. A trip where it was counting the trees that they passed by. A trip filled with every memory that she had prior to a downhill spiral. A trip like nothing she had ever thought of before. A trip filled with silence, until her thirteen year old broke it. 

“I’ll write you everyday.” Henry whispered. It was as if his brain understood that in order to go through all the thoughts flowing inside his mother’s mind. Emma just took a look at her son and said “I know kid. I know.” Henry prepared for his mom to ruffle his hair like she always did. Emma would always with no avail ruffle her son’s mophead and comment on getting a haircut; she didn’t today. 

Henry’s facial expression faltered but he tried his best to not be obvious. He knew his mom is doing this for her but with the urge from him and his grandparents. He just wished that he can see the glimpse of the mom he knew growing up until two years ago. Wishes that seemed to reach a dead end that the universe never paid attention to. 

Henry’s grandparents (Emma’s parents) remained silent. It was as if they committed a crime and the police officer told them that whatever they say can be used against them in court. The only crime that ever correlated however is their gnawing guilt towards their daughter. The guilt slowly eating them alive, as if they could do anything when the mind is already addicted. Addictive tendencies outweigh the kind thoughts, almost always. 

“The destination is on your right.” The GPS robotic voice is the only thing that can be heard. The voice echoing inside Emma’s mind who knows how long this will haunt her. Possibly a night? Maybe more? 

The family all got out of the small yellow volkswagen bug the air within the family was very tense a complete contrast of the sunny weather within the small town. Crazy to think how the weather is amazing but emotions aren’t controlled by the weather even if as a young child you might think so. Nothing matters when emotions are concerned, nothing. 

“We love you Emma.” Her father, David said fully engulfing her in a bear hug. It was as if he was trying to put every single emotion he had ever felt towards his daughter in that one hug. Sadness. Anger. Love. Happiness. Numbness. Hope. “I love you dad.” Emma’s words breaking in the statement as she tried to stop her tears from falling down. “I’m gonna try, I swear.” David’s heart broke but he nodded knowing his words would fail him in that moment. As a father how would you handle a situation like this? Your daughter in pain, ready to admit herself into a centre that will help her life but is this worth it at the end of the day? The sacrifice? In the beginning it always is but as the days progress it becomes harder to answer. 

When David released her from their hug Mary Margaret, Emma’s mother held out her hand for Emma to take. In hopes that the saying ‘i am always near you, just an arms length away’ is true even in this case. Emma fully knows the full extent of what her mother is feeling. The pain and sadness mixing into one feeling. This feeling caused her to go mute in the moment for a few minutes. 

“Call us whenever you can.” Mary Margaret spoke in a whisper because this is the only volume that her voice won’t break at. “He’s going to miss you at the station without him saying it you know?” 

“I think I haven’t been in the mindset of a deputy officer in two years mom.” Emma replied causing her mom to hug her now too. “It will help me” Emma didn’t know who she was saying this too, whether it be her family or herself who knows. “I know Emma, I know.” Mary Margaret kissed the top of her daughter’s head. 

Henry watched his mom and grandparents hug and talk to one another in a nice tone that isn’t filled with animosity. It hasn’t been like this in years and Henry has hope for what the future might be. For what happens next. Just a change, maybe a change, hopefully a change. 

Emma walked up to her son and ruffled his hair before giving him a hug. One last time for both, for at least until visiting hours are available. “Stay on top of those grades in school you hear me kid?” Henry nodded knowing that his grades was all he had at this point in his life. “I’m doing this for you.” Emma said to him shortly after. “Don’t do it entirely for me mom, do this for yourself.” Henry hugged his mom tighter trying to capture this last moment in his brain for a little longer. 

After all the goodbyes Emma walked into StoryBrooke Stability Centre trying her hardest to not want to turn back. 

X X X

Approaching the front desk Emma felt like she is at the crossroads of her life. In the middle of turning back and calling her parents to get her and going behind those doors to try to at least be the better mom for Henry. Be the better person for herself. Finally going up the front desk the receptionist looked at her and by the name badge of Betsie, Emma Swan felt as if she was in one big movie clique. 

“You Emma Swan?” Just the mention of her name made the blonde’s palms sweat. She just nodded not wanting to reply as if she has the option not to say that Emma Swan is in fact her name. The receptionist saw her nodding and began clicking, perhaps doing some further paper work. “You got family that actually would like to visit you?” 

“Yea.” 

“You’re a lucky one then blondie.” Betsie placed a sticky note pad and a black ball point pen in front of her. “Write the names down exactly so we can keep them on record.” Once again Emma nodded still waiting to maybe wake up. Handing the sticky note with three names on it she waited, her one suitcase by her feet and her hands rubbing together as if she wasn’t already hot from her nerves. Betsie looked up at her one last time and said “your room is through the doors and at the end of the hallway turn right.” 

“Thanks” Emma managed to reply as the door buzzed opening in front of her. 

“Welcome to StoryBrooke Stability Centre or as the outsiders call it, the land for the insane.” 

If Emma’s nerves nerves weren’t enough to fully make her want to run out of here those words did the trick. 

Going through the doors seemed like a long walk to heaven or a short walk to hell. The lights kept flashing like a horror movie before one light bulb actually burst causing the blonde to jump. “Careful.” The voice behind Emma sounded like it could be the warden from various western movies but Emma hoped it was a nicer one; or at least a tolerable one. 

“Sorry.” Her voice soft which is quite opposite from who Emma actually is. The woman behind her was a shorter and older woman with hair completely grey. “Eugenia Lucas. Everyone here calls me Granny.” She stuck out her hand and Emma looked at it for a second or two before shaking it. “Emma Swan.” Granny had a slight smile after Emma said her name. “I know. I can spot Mary Margaret’s daughter anywhere.” Emma wasn’t sure what that meant but she didn’t like the feeling that crept up in her body. “Calm down your panic, I used to take care of your mom back in the day. I’m the cook here now but, she phoned me to keep an eye out for you.” Emma nodded as Granny continued talking. “Go down the hallway first door after you turn right.” Before Emma could leave Granny spoke once more. “You’re doing the right thing you know? For your son, your parents.” If only the grey haired woman can hear what’s going on in her head. The constant questioning of this being a good thing or not. Being away from her son for this long and putting him in the hands of her parents. Her life spiralling out of control and how she managed to return back to this small town in Maine. The constant questions just won’t stop. But, Emma just said “I hope so” before walking away. 

Finally reaching her room she saw a brunette with red streaks in her laying down on one of the beds just staring at the ceiling. “Well it took you long enough.” The brunette sprung up to her feet. “I’m Ruby Lucas.” Her smile was wide but Emma could tell it was genuine and not one of the fake ones she used to get back in Boston. Genuine smiles are hard to come by these days it’s quite sad to think about. “Emma Swan.” Slowly the blonde is trying to at least break out of shell she put herself in two years ago, slowly but surely it’s getting there. “Your bed is the one on the left side of the room with the drawers for clothes and a desk if you ever need it.” Ruby looked at her up and down somewhat examining her. “You’re not from here right?” Emma just shook her head. “Well okay then sorry for wanting to talk to you I guess.” Ruby went back to laying on her back staring at the ceiling. 

Emma bit her bottom lip knowing that this is just another of her tactics. Always pushing people away because that’s everything she’s ever known. Finding her birth parents caused her to go further away to Boston. Falling in love made her go to jail. It was an instinct or perhaps just a way of protection? 

“I was in Boston before I came back here.” Emma spoke normally. Henry’s voice telling her this is the start of a new beginning for her, for both of them. It only took those words for Ruby to spring back up again and the constant asking of questions for her. “You’ve never been out of here before?” Emma asked after the pointless questions sprung out. Ruby went quiet., their roles now became reversed. “Sorry.” Emma then replied shortly after. 

“Stop saying that.” Ruby rolled her eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for it’s just a long story.” 

“I’ve got time.” Emma shrugged unpacking her things. Her wall of stoic emotions falling apart one by one slowly but surely. “I’m practically stuck with you in here anyways, they never told me anything.” Emma tried to joke around. 

“They call the people here the crazy ones. But, besides this place being the stability centre it’s where most people who aren’t wanted by their families go. Like those shelters in the big cities. I can’t go out is a big thing to say because I go out of this place all the time, I’m not bound here like you are I’m guessing. I help take care of some people here, been here since I was nineteen. Addiction gone wrong but, I don’t care how many years I’ve been sober for people that go here need someone who understands you know? Solidarity in numbers. I can go out I just don’t want to leave my people you know? The ones here are the only ones I have left. Minus my grandma you’ve met her already I’m guessing.” 

“Granny?” 

“Yea, she runs a diner in town but still cooks here for the same reason I do. In small towns the people are who you have.” 

“I get it.” 

Emma does. Maybe that's what she ran away from years ago when she tracked down her real parents. The sense of a home made her run into the arms of a jail then into the safety of alcohol. So Emma understands. She does.

“When your people come running you go after them. Probably different in the big city but it’s the storybrooke thing to do.” Ruby shrugged and Emma turned to fixing her things again. “Lunch is in thirty, want me to wait to show you around now or later?” 

“Now I guess.”

“Now it is then.” Ruby got up and waved Emma to signal to follow her. 

X X X 

It all looked like one big hallway. Nothing seemed different just rooms that are different sizes but the same white walls. 

“Dr. Hopper does the check ins every other day. But might be everyday this week for you.” Ruby pointed to a room that wasn’t just the white walls. “He’s one of the people from the outside anyone here likes. Understands how it feels to be a different level of outcast.” 

Emma didn’t respond so Ruby just walked ahead. The blonde trying to take everything in scared her beyond anything she has ever felt. Life or death this feels like. But she’s been here for almost an hour and a half. The itch for a drink slowly creeping. Slowly rising.

“You’ll meet everyone when lunch starts. But, there’s nothing left to see. Just rooms filled with people who don’t want to be here but have no choice really.” Emma understood this. Almost like she felt it within her bones. Every word her roommate said struck a chord. 

“How many people are here?” 

“Right now? Give or take twenty to thirty. We turn away a lot of people there’s no bed space. You got lucky with those parents of yours.” 

Emma didn’t say anything and Ruby didn’t expect her to. From far away anyone can tell that the blonde didn’t seem like any normal person from Storybrooke. She felt of a higher class. Like the divide. But still close enough to realize that the people around her are exactly like her. Lost. Scared. Battling something. 

X X X 

As lunch started the people piled into the small space. Everyone sat with friends and if Emma didn’t meet Ruby she’d be in her room scratching her arms. Something she caught onto after her alcoholism started taking over. Her body wanting to fight back. Fight the very vessel that controls it. 

“This is Mulan, Killian and Jefferson.” Ruby stopped Emma’s mind from wandering even further. 

“Emma Swan.” She said back trying her best to smile. 

“Oh we know you.” The man who Emma thinks is Jefferson said. “Your blonde hair is stunning!” 

“Uh thank you.”

“He’s in here for being crazy. But really his parents just couldn’t deal with him.” Ruby tried to explain before Jefferson cut her off.

“They said I was crazy. I’m just gay.” Jefferson just shrugged. “You know conservative parents. Unfortunate for them if they think therapy was going to stop me.” 

“They sent you in here for gay conversion? I thought this was a rehab centre.” Emma was shocked. 

“They think dear blondie. Haven’t came for a visit in a year. I’ve been here for almost two. This place isn’t just for addicts. It’s a place for lost causes to families.” When Jefferson said this she began to think if that’s what her parents thought of her. If she was a lost cause. 

“Don’t think the sheriff and that teacher sent you here for that reason. They love you.” The other woman spoke. “Mulan.” She stuck out her hand causing Emma shake it. “Anger management. Been here for half a year.” 

“Mulan can kick some ass when she’s really angry.” Ruby said making Emma laugh just a little bit. “She’s like you. Her family admitted her after getting into multiple fights on the job.” 

“I’m more like the lass, love.” The bearded man said.

“Calm down Jones no one even brought you up.” Ruby rolled her eyes. “Killian Jones. His family owns the docks. Got thrown out for being an alcoholic.” 

“I didn’t get kicked out.” Emma just said nonchalantly taking a bite out of her sandwich. She didn’t catch on to Mulan and Jefferson holding back their laughter. 

As they went on Emma became more and more comfortable. She felt more at ease with the people around her, for the reason that they understood how she felt. The pressure. The urges. Everything she felt made sense; it wasn’t just her. While conversations started rolling one woman walked into the room with headphones in her ears holding her lunch and a notebook. This caught Emma’s attention.

“Who’s that.” Emma nudged her head in the direction where the person now sat.

“Regina Mills. Daughter of the mayor.” Ruby said.

“Why is the mayor’s daughter here?”

“A story for another lunch hour maybe.” Jefferson said and the others tried their best to divert Emma’s attention away from the brunette on the other side of the room. It didn’t work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight towards Emma's past in this one! I hope you enjoy and thank you for the kudos (: The next chapter might not be next week due to the fact that I have three exams next week sorry everyone! Till then have this one!

Day One: 

 

Emma got woken up by Ruby shaking her early the next morning. She hadn’t been woken up in that way since Neal left her life. Always waking her up to get away. Always the runner. Something she seemed to inherit believe it or not. 

“It’s eight we have breakfast.” Ruby said after she saw Emma’s eyes opening. “You’re not at home anymore Emma come on wake up.” 

 

After the first day of her arriving here Ruby seemed to be her guide for everything, and it’s only the second day. But, the first official day of why she came here for. Some sort of guide to find herself again without the thought of alcohol on her mind. Ruby had not only introduced her to the few people she can relate to but, for the first time in a while made her laugh. Genuine laugh. Which in Emma’s books is something that she can get used to. A step in the right direction and hopefully no steps back. 

 

Going to the food hall was more work than she thought. Emma had never felt this sore in her life and her mind keeps drifting back to the lack of alcohol in her blood stream. That maybe that is the reason why her body has become like this. The lack of alcohol. 

 

What the blonde didn’t expect was a breakfast that seemed more than just prison food. And she did know what that tasted like and she wasn’t looking forward to it again. She’d rather skip the food and drink water for as long as she can hold out for. But, what surprised Emma was that it wasn’t prison food at all. In the lineup it was scrambled eggs, pancakes, waffles, and fresh fruit. Barely food that she even made while she was in Boston. Food that she only got used too after moving back in with her parents. 

 

“Why is the food like this?” Emma questioned after her and Ruby sat down. 

 

“Perks of having this funded. The mayor keeps giving this place money.” Ruby whispered before digging into her food. 

 

The mention of the mayor got Emma to think about the mayor’s daughter. The brunette from yesterday who seemed so suspicious to her that she couldn’t put her finger on it. Regina Mills. 

 

“After breakfast it’s group therapy then we have a break to walk out in the yard.” 

 

“What is this dog camp?” 

 

“If you want to get better I suggest to actually look like you do.” Ruby said monotonely. “I know you’re doing this for your family but there are people who would die to be in your spot. So start acting like it.” 

 

“Look I’m sorry.”

 

“Cut that sorry bullshit. Emma it looks like you’ve had it rough ok? I’m not being mean or wanting to inflict pain. I just don’t want someone to take another’s spot because her parents are town royalty around here.” 

 

When Ruby said this Regina Mills walked into the room. But, this time her headphones weren’t in her ears but around her neck. The brunette caught Emma’s attention primarily for how she looked this early in the morning. It seemed like she woke up with ease to make herself very representable in a matter of minutes even if it was just for the people around her. 

 

“Me? But, you don’t talk to the mayor’s daughter like that.” Emma said looking Ruby in the eyes.

 

“Don’t talk about Regina. You’re new here and I hate for you to be kicked out for that reason.”

 

“What just because she’s the mayor’s daughter means that she has everyone’s protection?” 

 

“Emma. I like you. But seriously you don’t know shit. You waltz in here asking for help jumping the wait line. You don’t have the right to talk about anyone here just because you don’t have any alcohol in your system.” 

 

What Ruby said struck a chord in Emma. Alcohol has been her way of keeping calm and neutral through all costs. Without out suddenly she snaps. But, the second day hell the first week is apparently the hardest. To test your ability. 

 

The roomates said nothing after Ruby blew up. Emma knowing that she is right. That there is truth in Ruby’s words whether she’s ready to accept them or not. 

 

X X X 

 

After breakfast Emma went back to their room silently without speaking to anyone on the walk back. Even Mulan looked at her confused when she waved but the blonde didn’t acknowledge her presence. She can feel her wall slowly building up again and the itch for a drink growing stronger. 

 

It’s only 9 am. 

 

Emma laid on her bed knowing that her group therapy session is in an hour. The part where she’s assuming she will get introduced as part of the centre in front of those around her. People that are like her but she doesn’t want to admit it. She wants to think that her addiction didn’t get the best of her but, it did. It destroyed her relationship with her parents and her son. And made her lose her sense of self. One that she took so long to find and it only took a matter of a couple of months. 

 

She closed her eyes in an act of wanting to remember why it got this way. To try and forget herself from uncontrollably shaking due to the dependency the blonde has with alcohol and the lack of it in her system. 

 

_ They met in Boston. After running away from the shock  that was tracking down her birth parents Emma ran. Because that is what Emma always does. Run. When there is nothing else to do just make a break for it and run. That’s how she met him.  _

 

_ Neal Cassidy.  _

 

_ With a run down yellow volkswagen bug he pulled up to where Emma was residing in. Residing being a strong word when the teen called the blockade under a city bridge her home. He saw her. For the first time someone actually saw her. Understood her. Similar to how people in this place did. Neal knew how it felt to feel so lost. At the age of sixteen she didn’t just ran away from home but found someone who knew why. Emma felt like this was the missing piece.  _

 

_ He was a seventeen year old runaway but for a runaway he knew how to get everything he wanted. By stealing nonetheless. They stayed in a hotel room for weeks because of a scam he pulled and Emma was too blind to question why. Emma was too blinded by finally having someone who understands how she felt. How she didn’t want to throw away someone who feels for the first time like home.  _

 

_ Home.  _

 

_ They stayed like this for months. Two domestic runaways. Neal got a job as a store clerk and for once it looked like Emma didn’t need her birth parents. She finally somewhat found the ‘i told you so’ point to her argument for so long. Until officers started knocking on their door forcely. Neal was nowhere to be found and Emma refused to let them in.  _

 

_ Before she knew it stolen watches were found under their bed and Neal wasn’t answering any phone calls.  _

 

_ Emma went to jail.  _

 

_ Found out she was pregnant.  _

 

_ And then Neal found her again.  _

 

_ It all seemed like a game of cat and mouse for Neal Cassidy and for the first two times that he left Emma and a young Henry she refused to believe it. She wanted to see the good in him. For once the good in someone who still understands. But, after the last time Emma packed their bags and got in contact with her birth parents. And in contact with some tequila, some vodka, some whiskey.  _

 

_ Emma lost herself.  _

 

_ She stopped running for once but all he did was treat her like some hurdle.  _

 

Emma didn’t realize that she was now shaking uncontrollably. Lack of alcohol and thoughts of Neal just don’t go together. She has pressed these emotions further down than anything she’s ever done in her life. 

 

It’s only 10 am. 

 

X X X 

 

Being confined in a space with the same people for who knows how long she might stay here is agonizing. The constant feeling of not being the best mother for her son. The constant feeling of not being the best daughter to her parents. The constant feeling that she let a man get to her like this. Get her to feel like this. And no amount of therapy can fix it. 

 

Sitting in a circle felt like the movies. Because in this space they are all the same. Or about the same. The same playing field as everyone so to speak. This was like those scenes in the movies where everyone would go around saying what’s wrong with them. 

 

_ Hi my name is Emma Swan and I have an alcohol problem driven by constant guilt and built up emotions from my childhood.  _

 

But, she just watched everyone pile into the room. Surprisingly Ruby. Mulan, Killian, and Jefferson weren’t in her group. Not even one of them. She felt like the outsider at this point not having the safety net she always seemed to need. One by one the crowd grew. A blonde woman with a small baby bump walked through the door. A older looking man with a grey beard walked in sitting the farthest from everyone. And the list continued. As the people walked in the more anxious Emma became. What is this therapy supposed to do? What is she supposed to do? 

 

The mediator of their session walked in. A man wearing a brown suit and had circle rimmed glasses. Emma only knew this because he said hello to everyone that went in which in turn didn’t help Emma’s feelings. 

 

Almost all the chairs were full except the one to Emma’s right but the man just decided to start the session. 

 

“Good morning everyone. I see some familiar faces and some that are new but, welcome to all of you!” He smiled and is the only one of the people in the room to do so. “I’m Doctor Archie Hopper and I run the group therapy sessions as well as your one on one sessions for the time that you’re here at StoryBrooke Stability.” The silence filled the room so Archie continued again. “We’ll go by introducing everyone and then move from there.” He then pointed at the man who walked in with the grey beard for him to start off the introductions. 

 

“Leroy. Came here two years ago.” Emma felt like he was going to say something else but stopped himself. But, Archie just nodded at him and looked at the other person. 

 

“Arielle, like the disney mermaid I know. I came here just last week I put myself on the wait list last year.” This made Emma’s heart drop and reminded her about the conversation she had with Ruby. There is a waitlist for this place. 

 

The introductions went on until they got to the person before Emma. The door opened and in came Regina Mills again. Just holding a notebook and wearing an outfit that seemed too over the top for this place. The only seat left was the one next to Emma and she smiled lightly at her before sitting down. 

“I’m Ella and a soon to be mom.” She smiled as she rubbed her baby bump. “My step mom threw me out of the house when she found out and the father is working abroad so it only leaves here. So, I want to say thank you.” Archie mouthed a congratulations towards Ella and moved on to Emma. 

 

“My name is Emma. I got in yesterday, my parents wanted me to not go here but I insisted because of my son. I want to be better for him so i’ll do this for him.” Her voice broke at the end but she just nodded. 

 

She thought the introductions would move to the brunette beside her but it skipped. It was as if there was this unspoken rule about Regina. No one talks bad about her. You skip her during sessions. What was next? Shaking her head to try and focus she felt a post it note on her leg. Picking it up it said 

 

**‘Regina Mills. I’ve been here for three years. It’s nice to meet you.’**

 

It was as if the brunette beside her read her mind. But she just looked at the woman beside her and mouthed ‘nice to meet you’. For being the mayor’s daughter Regina Mills held onto more mystery than most townspeople. Putting her full attention to Archie again he said something about wanting ot build bonds that are forever in this centre which Emma found hard to get. How can you form friendships between people who are trying to fix themselves? She felt another post it note on her leg. 

 

**‘Why are you here?’**

 

She assumed this was from Regina Mills once again. So Emma turned and mouthed ‘alcohol addiction’. Regina just nodded without a response. 

 

**‘My mother kicked me out.’**

 

This shocked Emma. Why would the mayor’s daughter be kicked out? Doesn’t that break some boundaries of some kind? Isn’t the mayoral family supposed to uphold unity and what not? Before she knew it Archie just said that concludes the group session and he’ll call them for one on ones starting tomorrow. Everyone started walking about and before they knew it, it was only Emma and Regina in one room. 

 

It was then that Emma turned to the brunette beside her and asked “Why did your mom kick you out? Aren’t you the mayor’s daughter?” 

 

Regina looked confused and was looking for her post it notes and pen when she just stopped. Looked at Emma and started doing sign language. It was then Emma knew.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> first story so i apologize if it isn’t for you’re taste! if you’d like to reach out to me message me on here thank you! please comment, subscribe and give kudos (:


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